Goodbye and Good Riddance 2017

Ecstatically kissing 2017 goodbye. Because 2017 sucked. Other than 1989, which was the year my Mum died, 2017 was the worst year of my life, for a long list of reasons. Many of my friends have said the same. I don’t know if it was a combination of the zeitgeist of the world and personal conflict, but whatever it was, it was heavy and it was hard. 2017 is a year that I will happily close the door on, and lock tightly. But before I turn that deadbolt on the bitch that was 2017, I will pause and write 7 blessings 2017 brought.

1. My Sons. Watching my sons grow, spending time with them, observing them become men, sorting out their futures and making plans is honestly the biggest blessing of every year since I became their mother. The highlights were my eldest studying abroad for part of the year, and my youngest got into the college of his dreams (which if you have been through the college application process recently, you know is truly a miracle). Even during turbulent times, I look at my boys and I feel a sense of calmness and connection. If there is one thing I know I was born to do with all my heart, it is to be their mother. To carve a space they call home and to know no matter what happens in this world, I will always have their backs. I will always welcome them with open arms. I sense they know this, and I am grateful.
2. Travel. Solo travel and travel with friends and family. There were trips to places we have been before, places that feel like home and we happily return to again and again. And trips to new places. I especially enjoyed my trip to Florence, Italy to visit my eldest. I spent days solo seeing breathtaking art and exploring the city while he was in class, and evenings with him over dinner where we talked about life and the world. As a mother of boys, anytime they sit with you and open up, share and talk, another miracle.
3. Friends. God Bless the amazing women in my life. I would be certifiable without them. Times spent in sleepovers, trips, talking on the phone, coffee, hikes, dinners or lunches. My circle got smaller this year, but richer in many ways. One thing this year taught me was to spend time with people who share your deepest values and truths, who lift you up and leave you feeling just a little bit better when they leave. Friendship isn’t meant to be hard. Spending time with those who take more than they give or who you have to work with to find common ground, no longer makes my list.
4. Animals. Our sweet dog, Addison Rose. She’s 12 and acts like she’s 2. She’s my constant companion in New Mexico. She sleeps in my bed and is always underfoot. I love her gentle nature, I love her quiet constancy. I love her energy and exuberance at each new day. I love our hikes, our walks and our snuggles. How she will shamelessly roll over on her back, begging for a belly rub, every time I walk by. My horse, Cocoa, who with my schedule, I have neglected more than I wanted to this year. He still loves to see me when I walk in the barn. He neighs and nuzzles my neck, gentling nipping as if to say, “Where have you been?” His clear blue eyes filled with questions and love.
5. Sports. I’ve always been a sports lover. This year, sports have been a salve to my struggling soul. The beauty of the games I watched, reminds me of commitment, perseverance, strength, teamwork and caring. I enjoyed the shared humanity found in rooting for your team with others, and for a brief moment forgetting what was happening in the world and just focusing on a game. It was an extra blessing to see my youngest have an amazing senior year of soccer, after years of injuries and missed opportunities. To watch him be a leader on the field and play with passion for the game, happily leaving it all on the field.
6. Cozy Beds. There have been days I didn’t get out of bed this year, a rarity for me. Days that sorrow or an illness kept me under the covers. I’ve come to appreciate that having a “stay in bed” day, isn’t always a bad thing and that having an extra comfy bed makes those days a little better. I’ve also realized the value of sleep. Pushing through a hard year takes its toll, and if you add sleep deprivation to the mix it makes everything harder. I learned to protect my need for rest and sleep.
7. Faith. My Mum said I came into this world with buckets of faith. If Oprah asked me her favorite question, “What do you know for sure?” all my life I would answer, “That there is a God and He loves you.” My faith and my spiritual practice have gotten me through many a hard time. I don’t know what brought this well of faith, but it was deeply tested this year, and it held. It held just enough to get me through. It held enough for me to find gratitude even in the midst of fear, anger and heartbreak.

Looking back at this list takes a bit of the sting out of 2017. It was far from the year I would have liked, yet still filled with so much to be thankful for. It always is, if I look close enough. On this last day of 2017, I will meditate on my blessings, ending this year with faith and gratitude and at midnight happily kiss it good-bye.